Let Go

 I just want to say upfront that I have a problem with this! Now, I don't struggle with letting everything go, but there is one area I'm constantly working on. Can anyone guess what it is (you may struggle with the same thing!)?!! For me, it is letting go of my past mistakes. That's it! Can anyone else relate?! I am an overthinker, so I am constantly working on my thoughts and asking God to help me. It is important we renew our mind as Romans 12:2 talks about. We have to constantly do this daily and as many times a day as needed. I find I dwell on the "could have, should have" part and that only magnifies the problem. I have to constantly remind myself not to let my mistakes define me. Our mistakes are not who we are and do not define us. Within this last year, I have struggled with it even more as I attempted tests and had goals. However, I didn't get the results I wanted then. I got disappointed in myself. Then, I had to encourage myself. At one point, I even said, "What's the point of me trying to work towards these goals anymore?" But, I had to change my mindset and now I'm still working on these goals. Letting go is not easy, but is possible. For a moment, I want to share with you a personal experience I had with letting go in a different way. On Saturday, January 18, 2020, my Mom passed away in the hospital. What many people don't know (except for a few family members) is the phone conversation I had with a family member and the doctor the morning she passed. I hope this encourages someone because I'm about to be really transparent! On that Saturday morning, my brother and I were sitting in the parking lot of an insurance company when we received the phone call I'll never forget. On the other end, it was said that my Mom's heart had stopped beating several times and each time, the doctor gave CPR to bring her back. Then, the question was asked to me: "What do you want the doctor to do the next time her heart stops: do CPR or let her go?" I remembering taking a pause and being in shock. I looked over at my brother and told him what was said. We talked it over and in that moment, we made a decision that will never be forgotten. We didn't want to see our Mom suffering. We knew that was not the Mom we knew laying in the hospital bed. So with a strength that only came from God, I said on the phone "Let her go." I was letting my best friend, mentor, prayer, laugh and movie partner go. But in that moment, we knew we made the right choice. We knew she would be in better hands. Right after, with tears in my eyes, I called one of my co-workers who prayed with me over the phone. Later on, my brother and I met one of our uncles and we proceeded to the hospital. Our Mom passed before we made it to the hospital. When arriving at the hospital, I was met by a family member who held my hand walking down the hall (now that's when it's okay not to let go!). On that day and to this present moment, I am thankful for every family member that came to the hospital that day and all the phone calls, visits, cards, words of encouragement and prayer. They are really appreciated! I say this story to tell you this: letting go is not easy! It wasn't easy on that sunny Saturday in January. I'm still healing and growing and so is my brother. Here's what lessons I am learning about letting go of past mistakes:

1. Acknowledge you made the mistakes and feelings you have. Holding it in does no good!
2. Talk it out with someone you trust (It's very healthy!). I'm thankful for one of my co-workers who is also a counselor and helps we work through things!
3. Take the lessons from it. 
4. Pray- it's better in God's hands.
5. Don't let the mistake weigh you down.
6. Take the necessary breaks (walk, take a social media break, listen to music, take a nap, etc.).
7. Get back up and keep going!

In conclusion, we all have an issue with letting something go. Whatever yours may be, I pray that my personal experience and lessons will encourage you today. It's a process. Take one step at a time. Keep going. We're all in this together! Be blessed!